Here is my result for the Quills and Quibbles monthly writing exercise.
by Marian Allen
This has got to be the most boring place on the face of the planet. White sandy beach, just like all the other beaches on this cruise. Palm trees, just like all the other islands on this cruise. Only this place is even more boring. Nothing but empty sea, all the way to the horizon. Even the flying fishes and the walruses are too bored to hang around here.
When Edward surprised me with a cruise ticket for my birthday, I was like, “One ticket?” And he was like, “I thought it would be more fun if you went without your ‘dull old husband’, as you call me.” I didn’t argue with that, because it was true, but I was like, “Can we afford it?” And he was like, “It’s a small price to pay for ten days of peace.” Again, I couldn’t argue, because he’s so dull, it drives me nuts!
The cruise was okay, I guess, for the first couple of days, but all they had to do was like shuffleboard and cards and dancing and swimming and eating. It didn’t take long before I was reduced to standing at the rail and watching the damn flying fishes and walruses. And they didn’t even have blueberry syrup for my pancakes! And they call themselves a luxury cruise!
I complianed to the steward, of course, and to the captain and to anybody else I could buttonhole. That wasn’t the only fly in the ointment, either, but nobody seemed to have as high standards as I do. It figures that Edward would send me on a cruise of total dopes.
I mean, when we had that lifeboat drill, I was the only one who would actually get into the lifeboat! I was like, “If we need to do this for real, I’ll be the only one who knows what to do.” And they were like, “You’re the smart one.” Which I couldn’t argue with. I mean, when they lowered the boat into the water and then the ropes slipped out of the pulley things and the ship steamed away from me, they just waved like it was no problem and shouted, “It’s porpoises, not walruses!”
Lucky for me I found this stupid island, even though it’s boring and I don’t even have a soccer ball to talk to like in that stupid Castaway movie. Talking to a stupid coconut. I’m calling you Edward, you dope.